The evening is winding down and you’re looking forward to enjoying some time to yourself... But first, you need to get your toddler to bed! You’re laying with her trying to get her to settle for the night, and finally she’s asleep! Now it’s time for you to get to bed. Then 2:00 a.m. rolls around and suddenly you’re sharing YOUR comfy bed with your toddler. You’re getting kicked in the ribs and back! You want to get your evenings back and your bed back... But HOW?
First with channeling lots of patience and motivation and second, having a plan! The heart of the plan is called “The Chair Method”
Simply put, if your toddler falls asleep with you in their bed or you sitting in their room, then wakes in the middle of the night and you AREN’T there anymore, they are confused about why that changed. Where did you go? Why did you leave? Your toddler will look for your help or presence to get back to sleep. A child is not truly an independent sleeper until they can fall asleep from wide awake, without a parent in their room. Night wakings won’t subside until your child is an independent sleeper. The Chair Method is a gradual approach to get you out of your child’s room at bedtime, so they can fall asleep peacefully on their own, and sleep all night in their OWN bed!
Steps for The Chair Method:
- Complete a calming bedtime routine and tuck your child into bed. Sit in a chair next to their bed until they fall asleep. If they are protesting, repeat a phrase such as “I love you, Noelle, but it is time to go to sleep.” Remain calm and consistent! Once they are asleep, leave the room. If your child wakes overnight, silently walk them back to their bed and resume sitting in the chair until they fall back to sleep. If you are currently bed sharing, hold firm that once you implement the chair method, that means no more toddler in your bed! Support and accountability from your partner and/or a sleep consultant helps with this!
- After 2-3 nights bed side, move your chair to the middle of the room. Before you move the chair, PRAISE your child for doing so well falling asleep that Mom or Dad is going to sit further away. Let them pick the exact spot for the chair, even using masking tape to mark out the exact location of your chair, in order to engage them and get buy-in! When letting them move the chair, ensure it is within your boundary of being farther away, giving two choices can be a good option, “Should we move the chair here or here?”
- After 2-3 nights in the middle of the room, move your chair to the doorway, still inside the room. More praise!! Be excited with them!
- Then move your chair to the hallway where the child can still see you. You’re almost there! Next, sit within ear shot but out of sight. So if your child shouts out asking for you, you can respond with your voice, and with your bedtime phrase. Your child should settle after another few nights of you being out of sight, and then YOU’VE DONE IT! Congrats on all your hard work!
Oftentimes, middle of the wake-ups will not subside until you have reached the final step of tucking your child in and leaving the room. Stick with it, including consistency in the middle of the night!
I coach families one on one through challenges like this! We all know how simple something may sound on paper, but implementing it is a whole different ball game. Having the support, accountability, and a professional to turn to if pivoting and tweaking is needed can help you reach your sleep goals much faster and with less stress and anxiety. My clients reach success in 3 weeks or less! If you’d like to speak with me about how my program can help you have easy and stress-free bedtimes with your toddler and get you a full night of your child sleeping in their own bed, visit www.littlelovesconsulting.com and book a free 15 minute consultation!
Sleep Well!
Nicole Double
Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant
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